If you get your marriage started on the right foot it can change the world for you as the years pass by.. All marriages will go through periods of highs and lows over the years. Establishing the right foundation can mean the difference between being made stronger over the ups and downs and being torn apart by them. These five steps are very simple but they can save you both a lot of unnecessary pain and aggravation over the years.
1) Get pre-marital counseling that is offered in your community. There is more to the process than just answering a bunch of questions and getting to know each other a little better. Some of what you’ll learn during this process is extremely important. Things like arguing productively, resolving problems, and making decisions as a couple instead of as two individuals are very important to learn as early on in the relationship as possible.
2) Establish expectations for your financial situation. The closer you get to the ‘big day’ the more attention you need to pay to the little details of your budget. It’s important to set expectations that are realistic, allow room for surprises and emergencies, and acknowledge that you are each bringing different financial values and habits into the marriage with you. Acknowledge that and come up with a budget together that you can both live with from the very beginning and you’ll avoid nearly 90 percent of the fights most marriages have.
3) Communicate. Practice communicating with each other often and well. The more you practice and the more accurate you become the lower the odds will be that you’ll make costly communication blunders and mistakes along the way. Many of the biggest fights in most marriages are over things the couple agrees about. It’s all in how it’s ‘stated’ and what the other person HEARS more than it’s about what is actually said in cases like this. Your challenge is to discover how to avoid these knock-down-drag-out-dishes-flying-off-the-shelves type of fights.
4) Learn to agree to disagree. You don’t give up the right to any and all opinions the day you get ‘hitched’ to another person. You still reserve the right to disagree. There are going to be plenty of times over the next fifty or so years that you’re going to disagree (sometimes rather forcefully). Sometimes you’re just going to have to acknowledge that you see the issue differently and agree to disagree about the best approach or course of action. Whenever this is possible that may be the best solution.
5) Be respectful even when you’re angry. Respect is one of the most important things you can bring to your marriage. It can make a marriage last much longer than almost anything else you can bring into the marriage with you. Use a respectful tone and remember that you respect the person you married even if you don’t like his or her opinion or stand on a specific topic.
You don’t have to jump through hoops or learn to become a doormat in order to make your marriage one that is built to last. You can maintain your strong opinions and still have a home that is filled with love and respect. Even if you’ve lost your way it isn’t too late to start over and apply these philosophies to your marriage today. The first step, of course, is learning how to get your ex back. From there, the sky is the limit in your effort to make your marriage one that is built to stand the many tests of time.