“Nice Guys Finish Last” is something that might bring up a debate but for many to shy men this is all too real.
Many shy men tend to use the line “I’ll always be nice no matter what”. Despite what the situation is they easily forgive others.
Incidents where we’re forgiving others pile up more and more and we remember it in a bad light.
It came down to one factor after thinking “Why are they so nice even after being ‘pushed’ around?”
Fear explain his behavior.
Nice guys finish last because of this…
When others are disapproving of us we feel the need to be even NICER just so we don’t lose whatever is left of their approval.
(That describes me back when I didn’t have a clue.)
This is dangerously wrong and the results are quite the opposite. Others can see how hard you’re willing to try to hold on to their acceptance and approval, so they’ll keep as much of it away as possible. This is so you continue going the extra mile for whatever is left. You end up wondering why your efforts seldom get you results and end up exhausted.
You actually have to do the exact opposite to get you results. Don’t be afraid to show your displeasure when you feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Make YOUR attention and approval more scarce and therefore more valuable.
When it comes to treading over your personal time, property and your self-respect have less tolerance over others.
Don’t lose composure when you do make a stand though. If someone always flakes on you when you’re supposed to meet and they only bother to keep in touch over the internet or the phone. Stop replying to their text messages, stop talking to them, just cut them away. Usually when things aren’t going well for them and they think of you as their last resort months later they’ll ask why you guys lost in touch.
Just say along the lines of “All those times you flaked spoke a lot louder than you sitting behind the computer screen typing ‘yeah we haven’t seen each other in a while.’ So I left it at that”.
Depending whether it’s male or female you’ll talk different. It’s usually with females you’ll have issues on flakiness.
If you want to learn more about why nice guys finish last and how OTHERS think about you to get an advantage in social interactions then read more articles at surfsocialwaves.com/blog
Talk to you soon!
Your friend,
Chris C.