You’ll never have a healthy relationship if you don’t communicate.. The problem is that most people don’t understand that communication isn’t about saying words. It’s about sending messages. Unfortunately, no matter how diplomatic we try to be with our words, they are often belied by non-verbal communications that are screaming a message that’s completely opposite to the one coming out of our mouths.
The perfect example is the infamous ‘Fine!’ in marital spats.
The word may imply that it will be OK but the tapping foot, crossed arms, and daggers coming out of the eyes are sending a ‘Don’t you dare!’ message.
Once you’ve given permission, even though it wasn’t sincere, it’s not really fair to hold a grudge if your partner goes ahead and does it. Yet, Word War III is typically the next step once a partner does.
You see, he (I say this because the ‘fine!’ tactic is one that is most often, though not exclusively, practiced by women) hears the one word he wants to hear in the entire exchange and doesn’t look any farther. He’s been given permission and he’s off with the races.
She, on the other hand, is left with steam coming out of her ears because he didn’t pick up on all the messages she was sending to him to let him know that she wasn’t happy with the situation. She feels she was perfectly clear.
He comes home to the wrath of an angry woman and is left feeling baffled and confused. He had permission. Why is she angry? This is where the next World War erupts – usually with a flying dish as the first casualty.
Unfortunately, this type of ‘communication’ and I do use the word loosely, is all too common in marriages today. The problem is; it isn’t communication at all. It’s a form of passive aggression disguised as communication and it’s killing otherwise good relationships everywhere.
These misunderstandings, no matter how much both sides contributed to the misunderstanding, are completely preventable. That’s the really sad thing. Most divorces could be prevented before they ever got started if people learned how to communicate properly and effectively.
Here are just a few things you can do that will improve communications greatly in your marriage.
1) Stop setting traps. Whether or not you believe in the Bible; there are some good principles taught in it. Namely this one: ‘Let your yes by yes and your no be no.’ While this was talking about something else entirely, it’s a good rule to live by when it comes to marital communications. Don’t say yes if you don’t mean yes, and the same holds true for no. When you do, you’re setting a trap that your spouse, who wants your yes to be yes, is going to walk right through. You’re setting yourself up to be hurt and angry and your spouse to be mad and confused.
2) Use your words to tell your spouse how you feel and not your body language. Believe it or not, some men (MOST men) don’t speak body language. Some of it is by design but for the most part it’s the fact that they don’t speak that way. Men are much more likely to say what they mean and pull no punches. They appreciate it when the women in their lives return the favor.
Communication breakdowns can lead to the destruction of a relationship that’s good on all other fronts – or seems to be. If your marriage has fallen apart due to failures to communicate then it’s time to turn your attention to this FREE video that can not only help you learn how to communicate better in the future but can also teach you the opening move that just might be the key to help you get your ex back.